Well, bend me over and *bleep* me up the ass! I’m on my way to Salem, Mass and I’ve just had my first screw! The airline just charged me $60 bucks to check 2 bags! OMG 60 bucks!!!
Airports = people watching. I can do it for hours. I wait well. My Dad worked for Braniff for 36 years. He began working for Braniff right out of the Marines after World War II. He was cleaning airplanes. When he retired, he was Manager, Ramp and Operations at Bush Intercontinental Airport. Of course, it wasn’t called Bush back in the 80s. My EX-husband gave my Dad a cigarette lighter with HMFIC engraved on it. HMFIC = Head Mother Fucker In Charge. You better believe it. My Dad was an Aries. Enough said.
I’m worried about having enough money to get home. No worries – I have Jason……. and the TWC (Unemployment Commission) it seems. Since I’ve been unemployed, the struggling has been horrendous. I’ve worried about this Salem trip every since I got laid off. So, of course, guess what happened? Well, the unemployment money ran out a couple of weeks ago and as luck would have it, my emergency funds from the Government came through while I am here in Salem! They actually made an emergency deposit. Holy shit! I guess I was supposed to get to Salem and I can get home too, well early, for a job interview that came up the very night before I left for Salem. I feel compelled to leave Salem early, NOT happy about that! (Note: By the way, I got the job!)
Okay, back to my purpose here! I am on the airplane flying my old ass to Salem! Boy, I’ve waited for this for a long time. It’s been a long, hard, worrisome wait what with the unemployment and all but here I am finally. I’m peering out the airplane window as we speak! Question: Why on earth when you have an airplane full of adults would the movie be “Toy Story 3?” How many of these Continental flights are full of children I ask? Especially this early in the day on a week day? Who makes these decisions? Who says, “Well, since there’s hardly any children on our flights at this time, let’s play a children’s movie.” Now that I think of it, a lot of decisions made in our country make about as much sense! The guy sitting next to me was wondering what the movie would be …… surprise!
So here I squirm. I remind myself of the kid, “Are we there yet?” I must have checked my watch 50 times. 3 hours ….. 2 hours ….. I’m worried about having to pee. I drank water at the airport. Do you do that? Sit and worry about having to pee? We all do it, don’t we, especially in an airplane. I have the fear of getting locked in the airplane restroom because I did when I was small. I flew a lot, got locked in once but it scarred me for life. I keep looking at the guy next to me. He’s on the aisle seat. I’m sizing him up to ask him if he’ll let me out so I can go pee. This goes on for quite sometime. I see others getting up and going. I envy them. I think about their empty bladders and how long before they will have to pee again. Fuck, I’m obsessing. I hate that.
Here comes the flight attendants with their goodies. Ah, just what I need, a full can of Coke! Um, drank that down. My pants are getting tighter. Maybe I’ll take a nap. I love turbulence! It makes me feel like I’m being rocked like a baby. I fall asleep – twice! I wake up, look at my watch. The stupid movie is still on. Hmmmmm. Pull out my book, read a page and the guy next to me stretches, yawns, looks back towards the restrooms, gets his ass up and walks back there. Here’s my chance! I tear, scrape and lurch my ass back there as fast as I possibly can. The restrooms are full but I don’t care. I’m waiting my ass right here. I get to go for cripes sake!
All the way to Salem from the airport, my driver bitches, moans and groans about how terrible it is here in Salem …… corruption, unemployment. How people including he have these expensive degrees and huge student loans and can’t find work. He’s driving a taxi for crap’s sake! He told me about a person who has requested a refund on their degree. “Here, you can have the degree, I want my tuition money back. I promise I won’t remember anything you taught me!” I asked him if that can be done and he said it is being looked at by the legal people. Wow! I’ve never heard of that …….. BUT back to me, you know, ME! Everything is about me! I’m on vacation here, spending my money here, I want to look at beautiful Salem now. I’m here! I’m sorry if it’s corrupt and struggling but the fact is, I came here to get away from all that shit so shut the fuck up and let me have my fun! Love you, driver, but you’re distracting me. Don’t I sound selfish?!
Okay, arrive at the Hawthorne Hotel, not checked in yet, not 3:00 pm so I take a lovely walk around the Salem Common. First photo taken, check! God, I’m happy to be here. I can just stand in one place and be happy!
I go back to the Hawthorne and get checked in and go to my room, make a call or two and then I venture back out. I want to have a Tarot card reading and that’s just what I’ll do.
Well, the reading. It’s my first night in Salem and I’m in search of a real psychic by God! So there I find one in a room next to a pizza place. Hmmmm. The room is made up to look all spooky and shit. I have my reading and I must admit I walked away at least somewhat convinced. It’s a racket for sure but the lady did surprise me. At the beginning, she only had eyes for the $5 bill I had in my hand which was my change from paying for the reading. I watched her eyes follow my hand as I took the $5 bill and slowly bent down and stuck it in my purse. She was not letting it out of her sight! Actually, before hitting my purse, I jerked my hand with the $5 quickly to the left and then to the right just so I could watch her eyes dart this way and that following that fiver! Hee! Okay, I’ll quit fucking with her. But alas, the reading. She began by asking me questions that were designed to get all the information she would need so she could look like she was psychic. Shit, I’ve wasted my money I’m thinking. She basically repeated everything back to me I just said and was sitting with her eyes closed holding my phone acting as if “something” was coming from “somewhere.” Then towards the end she said something very curious. She picked up something about Jason that there was no way she could have known. I jumped on it because if it was true, I was pissed. It was something he wasn’t supposed to be doing! She got nervous because it was something that I wasn’t supposed to know! She apologized looking as if she had suddenly stepped in something. Shit. She actually did something! She also picked up on an illness he has. Geez. And the reading was supposed to be about me! She asked for my email address to keep in touch. Maybe she’s trying to make me feel better. I never heard from her. And the $5 bill? She got it!!!!
Tonight, walking through the streets of Salem in the dark. The streets are deserted. Lovely … I’m happy. I stand in the dark in front of an ancient church next to the Witch House. It is very dark here, cold and yet I just stand there looking up at the church, really feeling the history here. I know I should be scared here alone in the dark, 1,600 miles from home, staring at this old church where 2 unfortunate souls, caught in the witch hysteria of 1692, were excommunicated from this church and then one was executed by hanging and the other was pressed to death. That happened here, right here where I’m standing …. in the dark, in the cold. Oh Salem, how you do make me feel!!!
So I turn away and walk back to the Hawthorne Hotel. Day 1 is over and I’m already feeling tearful, for you see, I’m already worrying about having to leave Salem in a week from now. I will now be tearful for the remainder of the trip. I’m such a dork!